Extraordinary Adventures of Malygos and Friends
by Catristocracy
Summary: Come and join Malygos, Alexstrasza, Sylvanas and Kel'thuzad on their whimsical adventures! Or don't, you won't miss much.


**Long story short, I needed a stress relief, something to occupy me around. Therefore, this. This is the stupidest thing I wrote. And I shall continue this at some kind of pace. So, leave your brain behind and enjoy, as much as this can be enjoyable. If it can.**

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**Prologue**

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It's funny how the world works at times. One day you have a revolution on each and every step, people killing each other for power, pride, Orgrimmar, whatever, but when another day comes, there's always someone that needs to clean up the mess, right? Same when the world is shattered by some ferocious force that no one expected to come, yet everybody knew about. And if you're stupid enough to give up your power because of reasons, you can only expect the days to be a bit grimmer than usual. Alexstrasza learned that the hard way, as she swopped the floor in a precise matter. Once a powerful dragon aspect, now her only strive for perfection involved spit shining the tile-sets. Delightful. She obviously should realize that her kin hardly would accept a dark skinned humanoid with horns sticking out of her head amongst their society, and since she was pretty useless that way, well, you can put two and two together. And with that notion she sighted, as she spanned with a mop in her hand amongst the empty cafeteria. That was her epic struggle nowadays.

"Ugh, this place is almost as bad as a den inhabited by a murloc."

Obviously our little former dragon hardly ever visited their little lairs. If she did, she would find out that everything inside was exceptionally clean, as murlocs had quite the standards despite the popular belief. Jormung von Brittelholf was one of the wise scholars that actually led his little single-man expedition right into the little creatures society. Oh the numerous things he found out. The numerous things about their delightful sea-shell based culture and their legacy was about to be shown to the world of man. Shame that he misunderstood their term for ''eat all you can'' buffet. One great lose for science. One happy meal for murlocs. Great loses, great gains.

"How did I ended up in a place like this anyhow, ugh..." She whacked the ground with a ferocious might. Almost as if she once was a powerful being, a dragon of sorts. Oh wait. "...you do everything to preserve the world and what do you get? You get no..."

"Quit your whining, will you?" Said the voice in the shadows, sighting loudly. "The floors won't scrub themselves..."

"Who cares. It's not like we have any visitors today, you know?"

"And they say I have a grim attitude." The other one tapped her fingers over the table. "You think I wouldn't love to cause some genocide elsewhere? I'd die for that. If I weren't already dead."

And there was Sylvanas. Who would have thought that eventually, she ends up in a place like that. Not her, that's for sure. Always planning ahead, always thinking about things, calculating the odds. This time around, calculations failed her it would seem. It probably had something to do with the new leader of the Horde. He wasn't as forgiving as the ones before him, that's for sure. Vol'jin took it all too serious for her liking. It obviously wasn't her fault that her little miscalculations with yet another version of the plague wiped off several villages, taking half of the Barrens alongside with it. So what if the oasis were now full of green mists. So what that she destroyed half of the ecosystem. So what that now goblins had to do their little trades with gas-masks on. Sacrifices are needed at times, needed for the greater good. Needed for progress. At least that's what she thought, as she wiped the dust off the shelves. And as she squeezed the cockroaches that came from within the dusty depths, she sighted once more.

"Eh. You are right with one thing however. In this... this..."

What was this abandoned hollow they were in, where magic flew within every stone, at times lifting them without purpose or thought? Well, it was Dalaran, obviously. Despite it's rather nifty location and shining walls, the place was quite deserted in a while now. Who would have guess, that this floating isle will see those days. Occasional heroes roamed freely here and there, but each and every single one of them was occupied in dealings elsewhere, in more distant lands. More prosperous lands. Lands full of two colors. Black and white, with fluff on them.

"This... this forbidden hellhole is not the place I were destined to linger upon. Me, me!" She hit the table with the strength of the forsaken legions. Shame she had non at her disposal. "The Banshee Queen, devolved in such trivial and squirming place, me, who was destined to conquer the astonishing walls of..."

"You're being dramatic again."

"Right, sorry about that."

And just to interrupt their little chat, the doors opened abruptly, as finally someone came in. It was such a rare sight, that both of them almost jumped in surprise. A guest, in this dusty tavern! Perhaps he will even pay for his orderings. That also would be a fine change in compensation to all the typical inhabitants of this place, mostly combined from all the leftovers that for some reason hardly wanted to venture forth. They usually talked about how pandas ruined the world. That, and they recalled the glorious battles in Ahn'Qiraj, as well as the fall of Illidan. For some reason, the likes of them always ordered vanilla flavored coffee. Figures. Either way, the one that came was different.

"What a dum... delightful place I mean, greetings!"

He said happily. It was a man, obviously, dressed in blue from head to toes. Even his top hat was like that for a good measure. His face on the other hand was indifferent. As in, bland. Guess some dragons hardly put their efforts into shifting habits. That, and apparently all males are the same, regardless of species. Alexstrasza knew exactly whom he was, even despite the fact that he changed into something different than usual. Guess turning into a blood elf turned him off eventually, huh?

"Malygos..." The former aspect looked at him with both hatred and surprise. "I saw the very moment of your death. You should bite the dust by this point. With, you know, worms eating you inside out." She coughed and got a bit more serious. "Obviously, the worms, as in, all life must be preserved. Yes."

"I got better." The man shrugged, fixating his monocle. "A lot better in fact!"

"But, that's..."

"That's what? Oh, you speak as if that was uncommon. People die and come back all the time, some come back in bit worse shape..." He tipped his hat towards Sylvanas. "Some are bit more skilled, m'yes." He leaned towards her after that. "I'm talking about myself, obviously, as my death was merely a jest!"

And after he made his little greetings, he strolled happily throughout the room, lurking and looking in every possible direction. He was quite unstable, that's for sure, as the insanity almost oozed from within his blue frame. Despite the state of his mind however, he was quite happy to see his former colleague in this shape, as he gazed constantly at the former dragon aspect. He always enjoyed misery of others, even if he wasn't the cause of it. When he happened to be the cause of it on the other hand, now that was a different story. At the peak of his power, he often shifted into things that seemed to be harmless, and caused mayhem upon innocent beings. What type of mayhem? Well, the usual – turning children into frogs, changing all of the farmers crops into dust, firing up the snows in Northrend. And the thing he was proud off the most – turning into a worgen's tail and talking to it's owner for the whole day, driving him straight into asylum. Malygos was a romantic sort after all - the little stuff was always the most meaningful for him. Like eating one candy at a time, instead of devouring the whole bag. Mass murders? Nah, too noisy, too messy. Most of the times.

"So what are you looking for here exactly?" Alexstrasza eventually asked, seeing as he was the last thing she needed in this forsaken place. That, aside from her 'forsaken' friend. "That's not a place for the likes of you."

"I'm here to help you obviously! I'm a dra... man that's full of charity!"

"You? Don't make me laugh." She scratched herself underneath her pointy horn. For some reason they ached all the time nowadays. "Within all the creatures in this land you are the most..."

"Beautiful?"

"Bad rather."

"Oh, such tongue! You disappoint me! You see, your problem is that you never take things that life throws at you." He rose his eyebrow. "At least it's not your problem Sylvanas, as life hardly throws anything at you at this point. But, speaking of points, that's not it! The point would be, that you two are simply stuck in your, well, stagnation, yes, that's the word. And you haven't even died... oh, wait, no, one of you did." He paused briefly. Sadly, dying always have some impact on everyone, funny how that works. His mind was always far from being normal, but this time around, he was even beyond his usual insanity. All he could see in his thick mind for some reason, were goblins that began to juggle mice and gnomes. He thought deeply about that vision and how he could make a profit out of it. Eventually however, earth called him back, as he snapped out of it. "Oh, sorry for that, either way, where was I? Oh, yes! And you hardly learned a thing, huh? Well, what did you expected, if your answer to everything was the same." He chuckled a little bit, as he fixated upon the undead. "This time around, this could also be said about you. Someone threatens you? Unleash the plague. Garrosh starts his rebellion? Unleash the plague. Deal with the elves? Unleash the plague. Pest problem? Unleash the plague. Thrall's birthday? Well, let me guess what the present shall be!"

"I did not..."

"Well, it's hard not to notice that you're hardly capable to hold your... 'life' together, oh-hoh-hoh-hoh..." He wiped his eye. "Sorry for that. Either way, seeing as you two are hardly in shape nowadays, and seeing that this place needs a refreshment, I came up with a brilliant plan, an idea as well. A brilliant... ideology, oh, even better. More fancier word! I like them fancy. You know that I like magic as well?"

He eventually swirled around and took out something from within the clutches of his well fabricated, yet obviously fake coat. Alexstrasza hid behind the table, while Sylvanas prepared her bow. You never know with the likes of Malygos – on one occasion he can greet you with a fireball, on another, with a bouquet of bees. Either way, it usually ends with pain. This time around, it was something far more normal, if a bit boring. A map, which he almost instantly tossed on a nearby table, smiling towards himself. They obviously looked at it. It was the map of Azeroth, hardly a thing that was a secret for them, with annotations made by the blue dragon himself. Most of them hardly made any sense, as pie recopies and other various stuff and quotes hardly gave them any useful information. Although something named 'Titans Tremendous Tasteful Tatar' sounded somewhat nice.

"Look." He clapped his hands. "Look and be amazed!"

"So, um..." She looked like he said, still, she hardly found anything out of ordinary in it. "It's a..."

"It's a map!"

"You always were the smart one Malygos..."

"A map to Pandaria!"

"Everyone at this point knows where Pandaria is, Malygos..."

"And thanks to this map, we shall go there!"

"We?" She blinked a couple of times. "We hardly agreed to go anywhere with you."

"No?"

"By the Old Gods, no!"

Actually, the saying itself had quite the story. The Old Gods obviously always enjoyed when someone spoke about them directly, as any kind of attention was always the one thing that they desired. Shame however that their ability to listen things carefully somewhat lacked. Therefore, when one of the Yogg-Saron pupils spoke this phrase out loud, he was instantly killed by his master. He apparently understood it as a mockery to him, as he clearly heard 'bye the Old Gods'. It's silly how being a maw with numerous tentacles can affect their hearing. That, and their lack of understanding when it came to grammar.

"Well." He scratched his head. "So, you will now, I have a tremendous plan, tremendous!" He hit the map. "Funny word, isn't it?"

"So what exactly are you blabbering about?" Sylvanas sighted. "Not that I'm interested. I'd just love to laugh at you some more."

"The plan is, go there, snatch one of their fine brew-masters, come here, and make this place alive again." He sighted. "Not you though, you'll remain dead. Anyhow! With my magical formulas and whatnot, we can make a special kind of intoxication, a brew that will increase one's magical potency. So everyone will want to rep gr... get to know us, yes!" He clapped his hands once again. "And the world will know Malygos once again!" He coughed a little bit. "One way or another... But, Malygos Magnificent Br... no, no, Mystery, sounds amusing, right?"

"That's simply stupid, idiotic, nonsensical..."

"You dare mock the lord of magic?" He shouted, as his eyes began to glow blue. "I shall be the rid of you!" And just like that, he went back to normal. "Just kidding. Got you, huh?" He chuckled. "Anyhow. The difference is, that you cannot just take 'any' pandaren. You have to take one of the finest! That's why we need to go there!"

"And why..."

"Why you, you wanted to ask, before I, Malygos, the lord of magic, interrupted you?" Once again, he tipped his hat to her. "I... have no idea. Because of reasons?" He began to scratch his head. "There was a reason somewhere in there. But puff, it's gone, magic!"

And just as he finished, the doors opened once again, as the huge skeleton hardly fit himself through the door frame, gazing at them all with his deep, frosty eyes. He was dead for quite some time now, but that hardly ever stopped him before, why this should be any different? Obviously death hardly ever stopped Kel'thuzad. It merely slowed him down. At this point, it was more of a nuisance than anything. It did left some impact on his mind however, or whatever was left inside of that thick skull of his. For some reason, he believed that he had his little 'cult following' of devoted fans, that would just adore both his autograph, and more to the point, a piece of him. But that's a topic for a different story. How he got to the middle of the city was a mystery beyond solving however, but judging by the intelligence of guards occupying it, it wasn't all that hard.

"Ah, and here's another part of our plan!" He tip off his hat. "Ladies? Kel'thuzad. Kel'thuzad? Ladies. I believe you had met? If not, there shall be plenty of opportunities, oh yes!"


End file.
